"You got a lifetime". Humbly... what I have learned so far.

The following is the original and the rewrite can be found by clicking here.

"You got a lifetime. No more. No less".

Neil Gaiman* said this.

For me it carried profoundness in its simplicity, which I intuitively felt but could not quite articulate. It wasn't until the celebration of two birthdays, a first and a forty-first, that Neil's words finally became clear - Our lifetime; this grand adventure, is "finite". It wasn't an epiphany so much as it served as a wonderful reminder. Admittedly, I sometimes assume this adventure will all last forever, and take it for granted. 

As I smiled at myself for taking so long to catch on, I also reflected on what I have learned so far, and how this would serve me as I continued my adventures over the next forty years. I will tell you this comes from personal experiences, and humbly, this is what I have so far: 

• People will shape your life... today, tomorrow, and tomorrow's tomorrow. You may know them intimately or only from afar, but they will teach and inspire; you will talk with them, hear about them or read their history. All of them influencing... good, bad or indifferent. Sometimes you will get it right, and sometimes not so much, but in the end every person will impact you; choose who you associate with carefully and decide if you want them influencing your life. And remember this is a two way street.
• You can do much in a lifetime, but sadly you cannot do it all. When you look at your life the question to ask yourself on a regular basis is, "Am I satisfied?" If the honest answer is "no", you must ask yourself why and fix it. It's not just about asking the question itself, but rather asking it on a regular basis... and I mean daily. Leaving this question for years or even decades will not only make it more difficult to fix, but may profoundly impact those people around you.
• You will get scared, and that is very human. When you are scared you need to recognize it, understand it, and not let it stop you. It is never as bad as you think it is, and you will get through it. Being scared is never a reason to not do it, particularly when it comes to satisfaction.
•  Comfort level is deeply personal, and is not relative to anyone else but you... one person's comfort is another's risk. I have discovered some of the most wonderful aspects of life are found outside what you define as your comfort level. If it scares you a little, it's probably a candidate for the to-do list. Celebrate bravery at any level!
• Do not take it for granted! It may last a lifetime, or gone in the blink of an eye... appreciate it when you have it, and cherish the memory when it is gone. You will be richer for it!

I'm satisfied with my list so far... but again, I still have a lifetime. No more. No less.

gpe

* Neil Gaiman is married to Amanda Palmer, and if you have read any of my earlier blogs, you know I'm in love with her. No disrespect to Neil intended.

Birds and problem solving... a perspective.

Alejandro Jodorowsky said, "Birds born in cages think flying is an illness"; an imaginative reminder that our circumstances will influence how we view the world, how we think, and ultimately how we act. This is a truism if ever there was one - Based on our perspective, we will look at things differently than others. 

As a positive, this leads to different points of view, fresh thinking and a better understanding of situations; conversely though, a point of view between some people can be so different (and even though they are articulate and eloquent), they truly can't understand each other. She said "white" and he heard "black" is a tongue-in-cheek example, but does sum it up nicely.

If you have ever been through a profiling exercise, be it DISC, Myers-Briggs or any of the colour based profiling, you know that not only do you better understand yourself, but also develop an understanding of the differences in people; you appreciate why we look at the world differently and how to find common ground for effective communication and understanding - As the old adage goes, "If you want to understand someone, walk a mile in their shoes".

So what does this mean for creative problem solving? With consideration to the premise that the better you understand a situation, the better your solution will be; you want a wide range of perspectives to get a better result. But in this, lies a rub...

If perspectives are so different, it may be very difficult (if not impossible) to understand each other, which not only negates the value of looking at a situation differently, but leads to frustration, misunderstanding and conflict. The trick is to get various perspectives that are different enough to better understand the situation, while developing the skills and an environment to find a common ground to understand those different perspectives - The better you are this, the wider array of perspectives you can engage... and that's just good for problem solving.

• Encourage profile exercises for you and your team to better understand individual "make-up" and dynamics - In turn learn how you best work and communicate with each other.  
• Struggling to understand each other? Solicit others and their point of view... it will encourage clarity of understanding for everyone.
• Put yourself in the other person's shoes to better understand how and why they see what they see.
• Remember patience. Sometimes it takes time to understand someone else's point of view.
• In most cases, a different perspective is not wrong... just different.

When understanding a situation or problem, the goal is not to assess "right or wrong" regarding perspectives, but rather understand all perspectives and ensure you have developed the clearest picture... and from there, the best solution to your problem.

I hope my perspective makes sense.

gpe

The self-sabotage that comes with arrogance.

The following is the original and the rewrite can be found by clicking here.

I know people who, without a smirk or a twinkle in their eye, have told me that their arrogance was a positive quality*; I have coached people, who although did not openly admit it, portrayed every quality that comes with the word. I will stress that am not talking about those people who have a healthy confidence in their abilities, their potential or use personal drive as a measure of their success, but rather those people, that in an insulting way believe they are better, smarter, or more important than other people.

I was in a coaching and development conversation one time and asked, "Why are you sabotaging yourself?"

To that he replied, "What do you mean?"

I told him his arrogance and self-righteousness was palpable, particularly in meetings and there were considerations that came with it. I went on to point out why I saw it as self-sabotage:

• With so little experience and nothing truly proven, he was compromising his credibility; I went on to suggest there is a big difference between believing you can do something and actually doing it. I finally pointed out that "on paper" he was the same as everyone else on the team, and his position of being better had no "data" to back it up. (As they say, "In god we trust, everyone else bring data.")
• His unfounded arrogance impacted his ability to work with other members of the team and only with teamwork would he be effective in his current position. With his current behaviour of dismissing others, he was limiting his ability to learn essential skills involving teamwork, learning and "playing well" with others.
• The dynamic he was creating on the team with his behaviour was causing friction and making it difficult for the team to meet its objectives; this was impacting how management was looking at him.
• Looking at the world through the "rose coloured glasses of arrogance" would impact his ability to self reflect and understand development opportunities for his future success.
• Although he did have potential and would ultimately could be very effective, I pointed out that my experience was that at any given moment there is always someone smarter, more successful, more talented, richer, etc - Arrogance is a wasted and destructive endeavour.

It turned out to be a great conversation because in the end, as arrogant as he was... he was smarter.

gpe 

* In all the years I have been coaching, training or developing sales and marketing people, I have never seen "arrogance" defined as a competency; I will go out on a limb here and say arrogance is not a positive quality.