Surrender the narrative...

Why would anyone ever want to surrender the podium and in effect give the microphone to a substitute? It just seems very counter intuitive; after all, who can tell your story better than you? More affectionately called the narrative, this is the story we tell others (and ourselves) as we spin our tale. Make no mistake, this narrative is extremely important as it represents your personal brand (and the substance behind it), who you are, what you are doing, where you are going, your value, and your potential. The narrative conveys and controls the message that is you.

So back to the original question, “If you want to control your message, why would you ever give up control and risk having your story told wrong? “ The reason is it reflects the confidence and conviction of who you are and what you’re doing, and even more importantly, validates your story. As they say, there is nothing more impactful than the endorsement from someone else.

I learned this lesson a very long time ago around a dinner table — I was asked (with venom) why I felt our business unit was so special? To that question I turned to the VP at the time and suggested he could answer that question better than I could. And he did, and I nodded, and the person who asked the question frowned. Now in fairness I knew the VP was an informal supporter so our narrative was aligned and it was simply fun to watch him disappoint the naysayers around the table. Where it can be less entertaining is when people are asked to speak on your behalf but they may not be aligned.

I can remember, with great clarity I might add, the Chief Commercial Officer asking my team about how it was going, what they thought of the program, and by extension how I was doing. I sat at the back of the room quietly, and just listened. I watched the discussion play out hoping my surrogate narrators were “on message”. My mantra as they spoke was, “Don’t say anything; don’t say anything; whatever you do, don’t say a fucking word”.

Why you may ask was telling myself this?

If I had said something I would have compromised who was speaking, compromised the message, and most importantly compromised my conviction with what we were doing. There is also another reason, an important truism that seems to get forgotten more often than not — sometimes you need to shut the fuck up and let someone else speak.

Something I will admit I forget every so often.

iamgpe

Why do we tolerate "untrustworthiness"?

Yes untrustworthiness is a real word and is defined as, "the quality or state of being untrustworthy"... with untrustworthy meaning, "not able to be relied on as honest or truthful". 

Why do I bring this up? Let me tell you, and although some may think me naive, hear me out because eventually I will get to how it impacts optimizing your execution.

The other day I mentioned in passing that I had an agreement with someone and  immediately the question was, "do you have it in writing?" To that I mentioned I had a letter of intent... with shock she said, "You need a contract!" After offering some context to the situation, I then said, "I trust the person". The horror that spread over her face... it was as if I had slapped a baby*; we changed the topic.

I understand that there is process, procedure, and complicated situations where clarity of language and interpretation is needed... I get contracts; what struck me though, was the extreme insistence that a contract was needed and all would be solved**. This is not the first time I have heard this type of thing, and it is as if there is a grand untrustworthiness that surrounds us... all to be solved with a contract. 

It was not so long ago that the handshake or raising of a glass was not simply a symbolic gesture; someone may actually be trying to kill you. Maybe we are hardwired to assume that we are all simply untrustworthy and have to act accordingly, if only for survival's sake. The problem is that sustainable success in anything involves working with others, and with that comes our struggle to find trust - We need each other for our mutual success, but innately don't trust anyone... the universe sure has an interesting sense of humor. 

So maybe the response of "get a contract" is natural and ultimately the correct one... but then again, she could have said, "do you trust this person?" Our energy seems to be directed towards putting mechanisms in place to minimize "untrustworthiness", instead of maximizing trustworthiness; we insidiously re-enforce an underlying belief that unless there is some sort of document to hold a person accountable, being untrustworthy is alright. Where this is really problematic is with the small stuff, and that brings us to its impact regarding optimized execution. Let me offer an example - 

Your team needs to get a project done, on time, on budget and it has to "shine"; you have a team where you:

• Trust that people will meet their deadlines, as you know things are usually all connected.
• Trust that if issues arise they will be communicated quickly and accurately.
• Trust that professionalism will trump any personal issues.
• Trust that people will raise their hand if they need help.
• Trust that there will be candid, open communication.
• Trust that "confidences" will not be compromised.
• Etc.

Knowing that the right "skills" are in place to support that trust, I would suspect you are confident that it will get done with great fanfare.

Now, if we started substituting out "trust" for "untrustworthy", how comfortable would you feel? Can you already envision the little problems growing into bigger problems, missed deadlines, apathy, and sub performance as "untrustworthy" creeps in?

It is true that trust needs to be earned, but it also needs to be promoted, supported and recognized. Building trust is a mutual endeavor and may be very situational specific, but there are pillars that you can generally count on for support:

• Do what you say you will do.
• Take responsibility for your actions.
• Act with the best ethical and moral intensions.
• Be honest (and it will hurt sometimes).
• Offer up your experience.
• Communicate openly.
• Wholeheartedly support and foster trustworthiness.

There will always be a need to a good contract; I have a few of them myself. But when you look over at the person you work with every day, your teams, the entrepreneur you are looking to partner with or the person you are thinking to bring on as a partner, the foundations for mutual success will not be build on a "tightly worded contract", but TRUST in each other and the desire to get things done.

For me, trust first, then a contract; saves on legal fees in the end. Plus I guarantee your execution will be much better for it... trust me. (sorry for that)

gpe 

* no babies were slapped in the making of this blog.

** I have also heard that a contract is as good as your lawyer... not sure where I heard it though.

I get it, we're all smart...

The following is the original and the rewrite can be found by clicking here.

I know a very savvy leader who once started a meeting by saying, "I get it, we're all smart... let's get over it." I found it funny, profound and it set a tone that I had rarely heard before. 

In one simple statement he created a PUSH for everyone in the room...created common ground and checked egos at the door; he reminded us that we wouldn't be at the meeting if we were not smart, skilled and of value to the company. (For those who are not familiar with the term PUSH, it is used in Blackjack when the value of the player's hand is the same as the dealer's; this is considered a tie with no winner or loser and all bets are returned.) But it isn't always a PUSH, as we all know those people who simply set themselves apart. And why is that? -  More often than not, somewhere on that list of qualities, will be Trustworthiness... the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone (or something). 

When you tear away all the formal structure, governance and process of business, in its simplest of terms, ,you are left with a group of relationships... be it internally among employees, or externally with customers. And like all relationships, the best ones are built on a foundation of trust... as the old African saying goes, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." 

We all gravitate to those people that we can "trust"... be it to get the work done correctly and on time, because they do what they say they will do, are honest in their pursuits, and so on. All of these characteristics will serve a person very well and it is something we should strive for - But here is the thing, trustworthiness alone will not guarantee a strong business relationship. 

You can go fast with trustworthiness, as it can sometimes be a lonely venture, but if you want to go far, you need Mutual Trustworthiness... it is the knowledge and belief there will be reciprocity. This will build real relationships and create the "runway needed" to make great things happen. In the end, it becomes important to understand mutual levels of trustworthiness and how they are aligned; some will be evident though action and some will have to be taken on a little bit of faith.   

• As individuals, we should ask ourselves what characteristics make us "Trustworthy"?
• As leaders, we should ask what aspects of "Trustworthiness" do we want to foster on our teams?
• Does "Mutual Trustworthiness" exist in our business relationships?

Symbolically, when you shake someone's hand, you are saying, "Trust me, I have no weapons". Do you know what else does your handshake says? 

This is how you will go far.

gpe